Having a Reset

Not very often, but once in a while, everything gets a bit too much. That’s how I’ve been feeling over the last couple of weeks. It’s why there have been few posts and why I haven’t joined in with CMMC this week. This malaise can be traced back to the beginning of July and has been building up over the 3 months since. I would hesitate to use the depression word – I’m generally happy and cheerful. But things can still get to the point when I need to switch out even when there seems to be nothing really wrong. At the moment, I feel a bit like this…

Indicative of this is the situation where I missed two football matches without any real qualms – in fact I was a bit relieved that there wasn’t a coach to the first game and that the second clashed with my Covid jab. There is no actual pressure on me from the football club to attend games and take photos – I’m a volunteer – but there is an underlying feeling that when I’m not there, I’m letting the players down. Something that was amplified by the applause from the players at last season’s awards night when I was mentioned. I have mentioned on several occasions that the club will need to find someone else because I’m not getting any younger – that camera seems to weigh more every season – but finding another volunteer photographer is very difficult.

Blogging – it’s a good outlet for all sorts of things. I can share photos, write poems and tell stories. Tonight, it’s giving me a space to express where my mind is and that helps a lot. While writing this I’m pulling together all the disparate threads in the background and that is giving me some clarity and a clearer view of my way forward. I spend a lot of time here writing about my gaming experiences and my initial story posts set around my Farming Simulator 22 experiences set in France seemed well received but that now seems a dead end with no one really interested. Is that a reason to stop writing about what I want to write about? Should I let the blogging community, through their lack of support, control what I write? I’m sure that this dilemma has been faced by most of you who form my community.

Trips out to pursue of my other interests have been affected by a mix of Covid, personal physical health and industrial unrest. This is another thing that has impacted on how I feel – I’ve reached the point where, even when presented with the opportunity to go out and do some walking and photography, I cannot find the will to go and do it.

In this time of personal unease, I’ve withdrawn into a form of comfort zone. I’ve stopped playing just about all the computer games I was playing. I’ve stopped trying, until tonight, to express myself on my blog. At present, I just fire up the virtual truck most mornings and I stay in touch with my fellow truckers on Twitter – It’s a place where I feel at home and appreciated: which is ironic considering most people’s experiences of Twitter.

I hope I can gather my thoughts into good order for Saturday when I would like to be at the football and seeing my friends along with the players. I’d like to be doing this week’s CMMC again too, or maybe one of Cee’s other photo challenges. And perhaps blog about some other things as well – But first I need to get my head in order and do my best to keep the shiny side up!

12 Comments

  1. It is good to write things down and get them out of your head. A reset is good as long as you don’t stop doing things and stagnate.
    Maybe lash out and buy a more lightweight camera. My Canon Powershot SX70HS would be perfect for footy photos.

    Maybe do a post every now and then especially when a new train comes along.

    Twitter is a good place and I have some lovely people I interact with but don’t go there as much as I did. It used to be a good fun place then politicians and journalists seemed to take over as well as left and right wing extremists and that soured it for me. A lot of the women were subjected to horrible stuff and dropped out.

    Stay positive and always drop in to say g’day when you aren’t OK

    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Brian – I think writing things down has certainly helped. I actually got out and about today, though it was a struggle to motivate myself at first!

      A lighter camera is something that I have been looking at for the football, but the issue is that the floodlights at our grounds are very poor. I need around ISO16000 and a lens that is f2.8 to get the images I do. I have looked at one of the latest Fuji’s as I have a lens that would do at a pinch, but even that falls short of what the 5D and the 70-200mm can do.

      Anyway, I’m feeling a lot more on an even keel today and hope to be posting something tomorrow πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘

  2. I’m so glad you felt you could use us, your blogging friends, to hear the struggle going on. I relate to the way you express the difficulty in pegging your feelings as possible depression, especially when you are typically more buoyant and optimistic. But we all have our limits, and I know I can hit mine sometimes and not even know where that “one thing too many” came in to upset my balance.

    I hope the time you’re taking to back off a little from some of your hobbies and pursuits, even those you thoroughly enjoy, will give your mind a bit of rest. I think sometimes we just need to be still and honest with our limitations. I am one who firmly believes that post-Covid we are all jumbled and trying to make sense of life again, when so much has changed. I think about this a lot. I feel loss mixed in with what I also feel has been gain. It can be confusing and tiring to think about these things.

    All the very best to you, Martin. Again, I’m glad you shared.

    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Debra. Talking about it has certainly helped and today I convinced myself to go out and take some photos – it was a bit of a struggle, but I did it! I think my issues are partly due to not being able to get on with one of my projects because of illness and injury over the past 3 months combined with the industrial action on the railways. Throw in the political situation in the UK at present and I guess that all was a bit too much!

      I’m feeling a lot better tonight and hopefully I’ll be back posting something tomorrow πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘

      1. I hope I can encourage you just to be patient with yourself. I think if we are thinking people, there’s a LOT to sift through each and every ordinary day. And then when there’s anything health-related mixed in, it’s added stress. I’m very sorry to hear you mention illness and injury. It’s good to hear you’re doing better, and I know you will move forward but I have become almost a “broken record” to friends and family these days, encourage everyone to slow down and to be okay with that. I feel like we are all on edge. The political situation here in the US has had me sleepless a few times with an overactive mind. All the best, my friend.

      2. Thanks for your thoughts Debra😎

        The illness was Covid and the injury was soreness in my left foot due to over exercise. I’m going to slowly expand back to a good level of walking. But I’ll be limiting my ‘old-school’ truck driving sessions as working the clutch pedal seems to have been a major driver for that particular injury! πŸ˜… So when the new Texas map DLC releases in American Truck Simulator, I’m going to kick off the event using a modern truck rather than the old Mack that I used last time!

        I agree that we are all a bit on edge with the bad things going on in the world. Unfortunately, it’s hard to avoid the persistent updates on all the media around us – I can limit visits to news websites but you still get inundated with updates in other locations anyway πŸ˜’

        But, rest assured, I’m making steady positive steps rather than rushing πŸ‘

    1. Thanks Cee πŸ˜…πŸ‘ Forced myself out the door this morning and took some photos, a few of which may be ok for this week’s CMMC 😎

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